


Hell is empty

by Igraine_smiley



Series: Our favourite demons + Aziraphale and Ryan [6]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Crossover, Demon Shane Madej, Demon!Shane, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-04-06 11:52:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19062109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Igraine_smiley/pseuds/Igraine_smiley
Summary: Mr. Morningstar invited Ryan to his club. Ryan invited Shane to go with him. A good time was had by all.





	Hell is empty

It was a normal workday at BuzzFeed between seasons of unsolved. He was editing a video about cats when he heard Ryan getting into the office. Demon enhanced senses, couldn’t live without them. 

“We've just shot a video about night clubs and guess how one of the club owners was called?” Ryan asked approaching Shane’s desk. 

“Bob?” he teased taking out his headphones. 

“Bob? Seriously? Why would I bother to tell you his name if he was called Bob?!” his friend sat next to him. 

“I don’t know, Ryan. You tell me” Shane took a sip of his coffee. 

“Lucifer” Ryan said making him spit his drink everywhere “Gross” Ryan made a disgusted face. 

“What?” Shane asked. He couldn’t have heard right, who names his child Lucifer? well, besides God of course. The poor man's parents must had been cult people or something. Occultists, man! They were so bizarre, they come up with stuff that not even hell could think of. 

“The club owner. His name was literally Lucifer” Ryan explained. 

“What a way to tell your child you hate him!” He tried to clean up his desk with a napkin. In situations like that he wished he could use his powers but no, humans couldn’t handle a few demonic tricks without going into a frenzy. 

“He invited us to his club” Ryan smiled “ wanna come with me, big guy? We were promised free drinks” That caught his attention. He always went where the drinks where, it was a given. Hell lacked in alcohol or anything nice to being with. Alcohol was just one of the many advantages of living on earth. 

“Aren’t you freak out by this dude?” he was actually curious. Ryan was a superstitious type. He saw ghosts everywhere but was ok with a possible occultist? An occultist named LUCIFER?

“He’s just an egocentric nutcase, not the actual devil. Come on, I’m not that dumb”

“I’m not sure about that” Shane arched an eyebrow “You are the one that believes in weird shit”

“Are you coming or not?”

“Alright, alright!”

That night they were at Lux, a posh nightclub in L.A. Some other friends and colleagues were there too, mixed with the party goers. It was a nice place but something wasn’t right. It was like a thousand Sallie Houses put together. It felt mundane, yet eerie. 

“I don’t like this nightclub” He felt a strange energy there, a very dark energy. He was so immersed in that unsettling aura that he could almost forget about it and that gave him the creeps. It felt familiar, like hell itself. It was like swimming unsuspectedly in the sea while the loch ness monster dove beneath you but the loch ness monster lived in a lake, not the sea so that metaphor didn’t make sense. The whole nightclub didn’t make sense. Why was it so… cursed? hunted? It looked like your typical nightclub, pretty girls, no lights except for the strobing kind, too much alcohol and loud music. 

“this is the best in town” Ryan handled him a drink "super exclusive" 

“and what with that? we aren’t the worth it guys” it was a good drink though. 

“I don’t know why you are in such a mood, dude” I don’t know, Ryan! Maybe because you brought him to an actual haunted place that was so fucked up that was making him feel uneasy. Suddenly Shane's ears started to buzz like a he was on a plane. 

“Oh! my friend from Buzzfeed! Welcome to my Lux!” a British velvety voice called behind them. 

“Mr. Morningstar, this is Shane, my colleague” Ryan greeted the stranger, a handsome man wearing a fancy suit. There Shane felt it, an incredible warmth. It was almost like putting your face too close to a bonfire or like sunbathing on the actual sun. There was only one being with that kind of power. Shane froze in the spot. It couldn't be HIM™. 

“but we know each other!! what a coincidence!!!” the man grinned. It was him alright! Shane was pale and hoping Ryan didn’t notice anything was afoot. Trust his foolish friend to bring him to the place of the actual devil. 

“Not really…” he muttered. 

“HELL IS EMPTY AND ALL THE DEVILS ARE HERE!” Lucifer, the actual Lucifer™, King of Hell™ shouted. He seemed angsty and unhinged. Emotions? that was new. His boss was not one to show or feel emotions. Shane was, he chose to feel. He loved emotions. 

“What?” Ryan asked confusion written all over his face. 

“He just had a little too much…” He tried to explain but Lucifer kept interrupting him. 

“Come on!!! Beleth, are you ashamed of me? I’m his…”

“Boss, he’s my boss. Was my boss!!!” he yelled, he would have preferred a crazy occultist anytime.“I need to talk to Mr. Morningstar in private for a sec!” he basically dragged Satan from the lapels of his jacket. “What are you doing here!?” he exclaimed. 

“Excuse me?! You must mean: What are you doing here, SIR?” Lucifer fixed his suit “this jacket worths more than your life, you know?” he huffed. 

“I’m not a lowly demon” he was not going to follow hell’s formalities. Not on earth, this was his territory. Well, it was actually Crowley’s but the old snake preferred to stay in that damp island anyway. 

“I’m still the king of hell, buddy” Lucifer’s eyes turned red “ and the prince comes after the King”

“Ok! whatever, just leave Ryan out of it!” He felt his eyes turning black. He was not going to let Ryan be hurt, not by a pathetic ghost, not by Lucifer himself, not by anyone.

“Chill out, Beleth” his boss smiled “Got a bit attached?”

“It’s Shane, remember that! Shane! A regular human being!” he snapped “you can’t out me in front of Ryan. He doesn’t know, he’ll go crazy”

“Humans tend to do that” Lucifer looked... sad? that was awkward. He twirled the tumbler in his hand looking lost for a second. 

“Exactly, so… let me be”

“I was just joking, I love your show by the way” he perked up “When you stole the bridge from the Goatman, ICONIC!” He patted Shane on the shoulder. 

“Thanks, I guess? just don’t ruin this for me” he was ready to beg if it was necessary. 

“Don’t worry! Earth is so much fun, I was seriously missing out. I should have joined in your escapades eons ago!” 

“Can I ask you one last thing?” Shane asked. Curiosity was his biggest sin, he was pretty sure he fell because of that or maybe he fell because he was a massive asshole but that was a tale for another day “Why are you British?” and hot? he wanted to add. It was not fair, Lucifer always got the best corporations. 

“It sounds sexier” demon logic, you couldn't argue against it. 

“Right… just don’t try anything with Ryan or anyone at Buzzfeed” Why couldn’t hell, stay in hell!! A couple of years ago nobody wanted to come to earth, now suddenly Lucifer owned a nightclub in the middle of L.A!

“I have one condition” The king of hell said. 

“What?” Shane’s immortal life flashed before his eyes. He really wasn't into making deals with the devil. 

“You have to film an unsolved episode here” that was unexpected.

“This place is not even hunted” he looked around “it’s just you!”

“It is! This is a historical place! There are ghosts and demons here! It’s a place of debauchery”

“Ok! We’ll do it, just leave me alone” He turned around to look for his friend. 

“As you please, have fun Beleth!” Lucifer shouted after him. 

“It’s Shane, you asshole!” He flipped him off. 

He wanted to grab Ryan and drag him far away from that place. Why couldn’t the supernatural leave his humans alone? They were so fragile and tiny! 

“I’m back” he sighed. 

“What was that? What’s with you and British guys?” Ryan asked. 

“I have a type!”

“I’m serious!” He frowned. 

“He used to be my boss, that’s all” Shane drank all his colorful drink in one go. 

“you worked here? Why didn’t you tell me you knew this place?”

“It’s part of my dark past” A hell of a past. 

“Your dark past? like when you ate your parrot?”

“I DIDN’T EAT MY PARROT”

“What did you do here?” Ryan was getting more suspicious. 

“I was… I…” He had to come up with something he would like to keep secret. A drug dealer? A bouncer? “ I... I was a go-go dancer” 

“What? you are kidding!” Ryan was not having it. 

“I’m not! I can be a go-go dancer!” He argued. He could be a go-go dancer! He had serious moves! 

“You wish” His friend rolled his eyes. Shane kept a straight face if he played this right he wouldn’t have to use his powers on Ryan “Are you serious?”

“Dead serious, what else do you want? a private show?” he winked. 

“oh my god! I’ll never unsee that mental image!”


End file.
